Marriage 101

If I took my experience from all my failed romantic relationships, along with my 45 years of marriage, and boiled it down, what is left are the following thoughts.

1. Always remember why you fell in love.  Even when times get rough, and they will, and you argue, and you will, and you wonder why you ever got married, and you will, the qualities that attracted you in the first place are still there.  Your challenge is to focus on those qualities, just as you would want your partner to focus on your good qualities.  Do what you can to bring out the best in your partner, and in doing so you bring out the best in yourself.
2. Never stop dating.  The romance shouldn’t end when the “I Do’s” have been said.  Make time for your marriage.  Even when you have children.  Especially when you have children.  The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.  It shows the boys, and the girls, how a gentleman treats a lady.  It sets a standard for the boys, and expectations for the girls.
3. Treat each other with common courtesy.  A sincere “please” and “thank you” go a long way.  Men, open doors for you lady.  Ladies, allow your man to treat you like a lady.  Most couples, when they are starting out, don’t have a lot of disposable income.  Maybe all you an afford is fast food.  Opening the door for his lady allows a man to feel he is doing all he can for his lady, and helps her see how special she is in his eyes.  Even a small courtesy, done with sincerity and love, adds to the glue that builds a lifetime of love and companionship.
4. Always pay cash.  One of the biggest causes of divorce is money problems.  Avoid this by creating a budget together, and stick to it.  The only purchases that should be made on credit are a home and a car.  However, with proper budgeting you should be able to pay cash for a car.  It may not be new, but it is paid for.  In time you can trade up.  Agreeing to a budget as a team, and learning financial discipline early in your marriage, removes one of the biggest sources of conflict. Read Dave Ramsey’s book “Total Money Makeover”.  It is a good way to build your finances and eliminate a relationship killer.
5. Probably the most important thought is to have a strong faith, and worship together.  Having God in your marriage is the strongest relationship glue you can have.  It is not a sure fire way to success, you still have to do your part, but it helps to know you have someone to go to for guidance when times get rough.  He always answers our prayers, but sometimes the answer is no.  If so, ask for guidance to make it to the next yes.  I guarantee that “no” will keep you from going down the wrong path.  A case in point is my two failed engagements before I met my lovely wife.  When those relationships ended I was devastated, but I thank God daily for blessing me by saying “no” twice.  The minute I laid eyes on my lady I saw the hand of God at work.  I’m not sue she saw it that way, and I’m afraid to ask.